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Wednesday, June 01, 2011
I knew when I sat in my car tonight, I knew the night I told you my nephew was born. Hell, I probably knew the night I sobbed my heart out and you didn't bat an eyelash or even bother to look at me. I knew that one day your rationality would become you. You made a hundred promises you never kept, or planned to keep I'm sure. When you cried out to me all the things you would do to keep me in your life and that wasn't rational then. And I shouldn't have believed you. I don't know how two people can co-exist in this world who are completely different where it truly matters. At least co-exist together. You wanted to leave me once already, and other times I'm sure you have never spoken of. I was never right for you. You were never right for me. It has been years coming but I think it's time. I'm so old now, all I can hope is that the inevitable cancer will eat me up and leave my husk to dry as though I was never here. I never did accomlish anything meaningful anyway. Monday, March 07, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sometimes I think you deserve to be lonely. And when you become the other you, I wish I were dead. I'm so tired of expecting you to be you, or at least the good person I once knew you to be. But you're dead now. You don't exist. And now you blame me for ever expecting it to be otherwise. Its all my fault. I should have never come to you in the first place. I should never go to you ever again. Check please. Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
It doesn't hurt me. You wanna feel how it feels? You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You be running up that hill You and me be running up that hill And if I only could, Make a deal with God, And get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, Be running up that building. If I only could, oh... You don't wanna hurt me, But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder. There's a thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don't we? ...You and me won't be unhappy... Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday, May 09, 2010
My muscles have become cement. So constricted and starved, they cry. The pain shows itself for only a moment before it is swallowed down by waves of numbness, and then I feel nothing. Nothing but unrelenting rocks below soft skin. Years of inability to control my muscles, now only makes me a slave to them. The do as they wish. There are many things out of my control, but those within my power never fail to disappoint. It is as if all hope is lost. In his eyes, I see what I imagine is fear and ...lostness... I imagine he sees the great realization of our failure. How we cannot exist together. How desperately I want to try and be accepted. How greatly I need to be understood. I'm trying. I know in my heart he is such a good man, and I believe this. I know this. I'm trying for you dear. But I cannot see above the water anymore. |
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