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Friday, June 13, 2003
 
And I have returned.

Indeed I've been back for quite a while.

I've hardly had the energy or ability to blog.

The past few weeks I was in Arizona.
Spending time with Ryan for the first time.

I never wanted to leave.

Until the fateful day I had to.

I had been sick in anxiety.
Anticipating the moment our hands would have to part from each other's touch.

Vanishing from his sight and warmth.

To this day I am still clinging with my fist.
I pretend the blanket is his shirt.

Soft familiar fibers...
Fading to reality of a more foreign and lifelessly draped object.

My body racked with the pain of leaving.

A week ago I was able to catch his scent in the air, in the room.
Even his shirt's scent fades with each night I wear it.

The necklace I wore as a burden of my previous love,
That burden was slowly lifted as I began to wear it with a new purpose.

To pass on what I had carried so long to him.
Not as a dumping of burden.

Not quite sharing.

It had become something more.

Like a child.
A most precious gift I can give to him.

Until I return.

And return I shall.

Soon.
Please make it soon...




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