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Friday, June 13, 2003
And I have returned. Indeed I've been back for quite a while. I've hardly had the energy or ability to blog. The past few weeks I was in Arizona. Spending time with Ryan for the first time. I never wanted to leave. Until the fateful day I had to. I had been sick in anxiety. Anticipating the moment our hands would have to part from each other's touch. Vanishing from his sight and warmth. To this day I am still clinging with my fist. I pretend the blanket is his shirt. Soft familiar fibers... Fading to reality of a more foreign and lifelessly draped object. My body racked with the pain of leaving. A week ago I was able to catch his scent in the air, in the room. Even his shirt's scent fades with each night I wear it. The necklace I wore as a burden of my previous love, That burden was slowly lifted as I began to wear it with a new purpose. To pass on what I had carried so long to him. Not as a dumping of burden. Not quite sharing. It had become something more. Like a child. A most precious gift I can give to him. Until I return. And return I shall. Soon. Please make it soon... |
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