Hotaru no Saiden

How long have I held my breath? And why? Maybe in hopes something would prod my sluggish and dull mind into writing again. I never foresaw or expected such negligence here. I never foresaw the events that would come into this New Year. A year of unpredictable events. I’ve forgotten my distaste for such things. Life sails a bit smoother, if not more mechanically during the long tides of prediction. But when you’re thrust into the onslaught of change and uncertain outcomes… The ball game you once knew has been erased from the earth. I feel a twinge of loneliness. I’ve lost an incredible amount in such a short span of time. I was ready to greet this New Year… this clean slate with motherly arms of tenderness. But now, amidst murky waters, rich with walls of fog… I am sitting. Nonetheless in a hardwood canoe. An oar carefully placed across the lap. Staring ahead. Right into Ryan’s eyes. I’ve managed to take the boat so far from the clean and brilliant waters we once enjoyed boating in. I’ve lost us. I try to determine now if paddling will do any help, as I am unsure of which direction will safely lead us to finer waters and hopefully a cradle of soft land. It is almost with sad and similar frustration in my eagerness to grow up as a little girl, I would stop looking back at the window to see if my mother was watching. Then one day I looked back, and she was not there. I knew she had stopped. I was relieved, Perhaps a bit unnerved as well. And yet, there is a bit of somber symbolism that trailed after me too. Thus, in my eagerness, overblown passion, and heated feelings. I’ve gone and taken us into uncharted waters. Ryan talks of swimming to shore. I am nervous. He does enjoy staying here though, And doing his best to keep the situation lighthearted. He’s been incredibly supportive. A valuable and kind friend beneath the surface. If anything he wishes to help out in this awry and awkward position we’ve caught ourselves in. But my mind races. For how long? And then I often try to tell myself that here is no point in worrying so fervently for an obscure future, For it can only arrive one day at a time. I cannot help the insecure feeling here. I wish for the best. And I hope for a few more answers.

- Posted by Kitsu, 12:04 PM

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archives	Monday, February 02, 2004 How long have I held my breath? And why? Maybe in hopes something would prod my sluggish and dull mind into writing again. I never foresaw or expected such negligence here. I never foresaw the events that would come into this New Year. A year of unpredictable events. I’ve forgotten my distaste for such things. Life sails a bit smoother, if not more mechanically during the long tides of prediction. But when you’re thrust into the onslaught of change and uncertain outcomes… The ball game you once knew has been erased from the earth. I feel a twinge of loneliness. I’ve lost an incredible amount in such a short span of time. I was ready to greet this New Year… this clean slate with motherly arms of tenderness. But now, amidst murky waters, rich with walls of fog… I am sitting. Nonetheless in a hardwood canoe. An oar carefully placed across the lap. Staring ahead. Right into Ryan’s eyes. I’ve managed to take the boat so far from the clean and brilliant waters we once enjoyed boating in. I’ve lost us. I try to determine now if paddling will do any help, as I am unsure of which direction will safely lead us to finer waters and hopefully a cradle of soft land. It is almost with sad and similar frustration in my eagerness to grow up as a little girl, I would stop looking back at the window to see if my mother was watching. Then one day I looked back, and she was not there. I knew she had stopped. I was relieved, Perhaps a bit unnerved as well. And yet, there is a bit of somber symbolism that trailed after me too. Thus, in my eagerness, overblown passion, and heated feelings. I’ve gone and taken us into uncharted waters. Ryan talks of swimming to shore. I am nervous. He does enjoy staying here though, And doing his best to keep the situation lighthearted. He’s been incredibly supportive. A valuable and kind friend beneath the surface. If anything he wishes to help out in this awry and awkward position we’ve caught ourselves in. But my mind races. For how long? And then I often try to tell myself that here is no point in worrying so fervently for an obscure future, For it can only arrive one day at a time. I cannot help the insecure feeling here. I wish for the best. And I hope for a few more answers. - Posted by Kitsu, 12:04 PM	ColonPipe Hyper Buddha Gorgissum Haiku Knock on the >>Sky Ebbles Miniatures