Hotaru no Saiden

This is the difficult part. When you realize the confidence you had placed within yourself, has vaporized. When you realize the confidence you placed within that one other person has been long gone. I'm tired of going back home. I'm tired of the talking while my back is turned. I'm sick of the vultures waiting to snatch him up at a moments notice. Its disgusting. You have to be an incredibly sick minded person to break out the bottle when you find out your friend has severed his close acquaintance with someone. If I had gone to my city high school, I would be dead by now. Instead I chose the one across town. And I managed to stay alive. I made a few good friends there, but sadly they have all moved on. Plus I'm not too sure how much we were friends anyway. One could hardly call the people who used you to do their errands and homework, -and as a verbal punching bag- Friends. Somehow I ended up in phoenix. I knew no one. I met some people in college, but it took about two full quarters to get into the group. No car, no family. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. And the most painful loads of homework ever seen by mankind. It was then I met Ryan. Though physically, we never did really meet. And we were friends. I was with someone else then. After a year of pining for physical closeness and some sort of familiar bond within reach... I gave up. Lovesick. Returned home. I worked so hard then. I did everything I could despite my parents' constant let-downs. "We can't afford this." "What if it happens again?" My mother was infuriated with the idea I was growing up. I wanted my new life, and I wanted to be close to my special someone. I wanted to be happy, and married. And I was planning intently on so. So was he. Sadly, that year apart seemed to have been the thing that crumbled up the foundation. When I got there, there was nothing left to go on. And that was that. Then a 5 month 180 degree turn from loved to lost with my best friend, and husband. That is what provoked me to begin this blog. I've always been the sort of person that preffered quality over quantity. I always had a few first class quality friends. Incredibly loyal. Incredibly kind. The problem being, They lived in other states. And had vanished during my downtime in Loveville. I'm glad Ryan messaged when he did. I'm glad he called me that first time during his lunch break when he was at the theatre. After a few months the burning was gone. But its back... And I'm tired. I guess we're both too busy to find any time in our lives to go find someone to help us out. He's got the car and I have the motivation. No one has the time. And single-style living isn't sounding so appealing. But I give it a week of single-style living before that ends. Not just any person will do. I don't enjoy living with strangers and having to work around their annoying habits. I don't enjoy being forced into weird and awkward living situations. I've had several. I think I'm done with that. I'm not your average independent Jane. I'm one who works through comfort, and a close knit relationship with a few good people. I get my inspiration from those I am close with. My life has better quality when I can nurture with an easy freedom, And be nurtured back. Quality over quantity. That is how life should be.

- Posted by Kitsu, 12:52 PM

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archives	Friday, March 26, 2004 This is the difficult part. When you realize the confidence you had placed within yourself, has vaporized. When you realize the confidence you placed within that one other person has been long gone. I'm tired of going back home. I'm tired of the talking while my back is turned. I'm sick of the vultures waiting to snatch him up at a moments notice. Its disgusting. You have to be an incredibly sick minded person to break out the bottle when you find out your friend has severed his close acquaintance with someone. If I had gone to my city high school, I would be dead by now. Instead I chose the one across town. And I managed to stay alive. I made a few good friends there, but sadly they have all moved on. Plus I'm not too sure how much we were friends anyway. One could hardly call the people who used you to do their errands and homework, -and as a verbal punching bag- Friends. Somehow I ended up in phoenix. I knew no one. I met some people in college, but it took about two full quarters to get into the group. No car, no family. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. And the most painful loads of homework ever seen by mankind. It was then I met Ryan. Though physically, we never did really meet. And we were friends. I was with someone else then. After a year of pining for physical closeness and some sort of familiar bond within reach... I gave up. Lovesick. Returned home. I worked so hard then. I did everything I could despite my parents' constant let-downs. "We can't afford this." "What if it happens again?" My mother was infuriated with the idea I was growing up. I wanted my new life, and I wanted to be close to my special someone. I wanted to be happy, and married. And I was planning intently on so. So was he. Sadly, that year apart seemed to have been the thing that crumbled up the foundation. When I got there, there was nothing left to go on. And that was that. Then a 5 month 180 degree turn from loved to lost with my best friend, and husband. That is what provoked me to begin this blog. I've always been the sort of person that preffered quality over quantity. I always had a few first class quality friends. Incredibly loyal. Incredibly kind. The problem being, They lived in other states. And had vanished during my downtime in Loveville. I'm glad Ryan messaged when he did. I'm glad he called me that first time during his lunch break when he was at the theatre. After a few months the burning was gone. But its back... And I'm tired. I guess we're both too busy to find any time in our lives to go find someone to help us out. He's got the car and I have the motivation. No one has the time. And single-style living isn't sounding so appealing. But I give it a week of single-style living before that ends. Not just any person will do. I don't enjoy living with strangers and having to work around their annoying habits. I don't enjoy being forced into weird and awkward living situations. I've had several. I think I'm done with that. I'm not your average independent Jane. I'm one who works through comfort, and a close knit relationship with a few good people. I get my inspiration from those I am close with. My life has better quality when I can nurture with an easy freedom, And be nurtured back. Quality over quantity. That is how life should be. - Posted by Kitsu, 12:52 PM	ColonPipe Hyper Buddha Gorgissum Haiku Knock on the >>Sky Ebbles Miniatures