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Saturday, July 17, 2004
Once you give it all, You start to feel a tug. There is that tug. Slowly pulling farther away. And farther. Her name was Tanya and she was right. Pointless to argue and resist. Pointless now to feel much of anything. So useles. No ground. Nobody. Friday, July 16, 2004
How sluggish and rapid the hours have been. A thin film of heat and ice all over me. I don’t know whether I am hot or cold. Moving or still. I feel like an ass. Selfish and ungrateful. Ill-disposed. Insufferable. The rest comes out in three different languages all rolled up in my tongue. What is the matter? No words right now. Stretch, curl, sleep- repeat. Delirium is so wonderful. Tuesday, July 13, 2004
It’s humid with uneven patches of grey and neon blue. As I toss boxes into the trash my stomach turns to think about how much money my mother is spending on this whole ordeal. It’s been exciting, and yet… exhausting. I’m going to miss her when she leaves. These past few weeks have been a great test of my senses. I can feel my nerves slowly overloading. This past Saturday was a refreshing break when Ryan arrived here early. The days feel so long, it feels like it’s been weeks since then. This new apartment does look beautiful though…. It will be a pain when I move. Right now, night is nearing. My reflection shows a shiny, fat, coral-salmon garbed person. Yeah, that’s me. Even black doesn’t cover me up anymore. I look terrible. I need to lose weight… or do something. I’m hoping things are going to settle so I can start working out at night. I need a nap. I need some time. I need a hug. |
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