Hotaru no Saiden

I’m sure you’re expecting this. I’ve vowed not to get into past semantics and comparing scars. I have the notion that everyone else has had it worse at some point. I can’t explain the rise and fall of what was probably an egotistical, if not maniacal mind. Believing at some point I could take all the pain away by absorbing it from everyone else. Believing if I could hold on a little longer something rewarding would pass my way. I felt I was instilled with every answer. I knew what needed to be sacrificed. I knew it all, And yet in the end I followed my heart. My heart or my wings. It was my choice. Frustrating and humiliating as mortality has become. If you’ve seen it all before, what did you do? Are you talking to a mirror? To a wall? And I realize there is no answer. There is no revelation, magic word or story that could change me. Just what I have to do. Being human brings many more choices. I often feel myself turning back to its regimen of servitude. I can’t break these bonds completely. Perhaps I wasn’t designed to be happy in the extremes so many desire to see me at. Perhaps I was asked to make it easier for others to be happy. At a point I was a stronghold, a pillar of strength. But I couldn’t complete even the simplest task of patching the wrong done to so many. It breaks my heart to disappoint the dozens of people who have tried to return the favor or at least help me. Bloodied and torn I have myself left to blame for this fall. I’m touched. But I am also a heartache. Frustrating. Stubborn. A pocket full of lead while you tread water. These are not mere mistakes or fallacies. These are the flaws of which are unacceptable. Unchangeable. The circles I spin. I'm a slave to a wheel And there isn't any stopping Enter the wheel. You’ll be sick soon enough. You’ll live. Dizzy and shaken. Stand in the middle and you won't get dizzy Stand in the middle and you won't fall down If you stand in the middle you can keep your balance I haven’t redeemed enough. What mistake could I have made? I'm a slave serving time for a life that I've forgotten. But with this… If this really is the break in the sky… If this is the mylar… If this is karma repaid… I fear its short lived. I’m almost too frightened. I'm a slave of Karma I’m sorry.

- Posted by Kitsu, 5:51 AM

.		.
archives	Monday, May 09, 2005 I’m sure you’re expecting this. I’ve vowed not to get into past semantics and comparing scars. I have the notion that everyone else has had it worse at some point. I can’t explain the rise and fall of what was probably an egotistical, if not maniacal mind. Believing at some point I could take all the pain away by absorbing it from everyone else. Believing if I could hold on a little longer something rewarding would pass my way. I felt I was instilled with every answer. I knew what needed to be sacrificed. I knew it all, And yet in the end I followed my heart. My heart or my wings. It was my choice. Frustrating and humiliating as mortality has become. If you’ve seen it all before, what did you do? Are you talking to a mirror? To a wall? And I realize there is no answer. There is no revelation, magic word or story that could change me. Just what I have to do. Being human brings many more choices. I often feel myself turning back to its regimen of servitude. I can’t break these bonds completely. Perhaps I wasn’t designed to be happy in the extremes so many desire to see me at. Perhaps I was asked to make it easier for others to be happy. At a point I was a stronghold, a pillar of strength. But I couldn’t complete even the simplest task of patching the wrong done to so many. It breaks my heart to disappoint the dozens of people who have tried to return the favor or at least help me. Bloodied and torn I have myself left to blame for this fall. I’m touched. But I am also a heartache. Frustrating. Stubborn. A pocket full of lead while you tread water. These are not mere mistakes or fallacies. These are the flaws of which are unacceptable. Unchangeable. The circles I spin. I'm a slave to a wheel And there isn't any stopping Enter the wheel. You’ll be sick soon enough. You’ll live. Dizzy and shaken. Stand in the middle and you won't get dizzy Stand in the middle and you won't fall down If you stand in the middle you can keep your balance I haven’t redeemed enough. What mistake could I have made? I'm a slave serving time for a life that I've forgotten. But with this… If this really is the break in the sky… If this is the mylar… If this is karma repaid… I fear its short lived. I’m almost too frightened. I'm a slave of Karma I’m sorry. - Posted by Kitsu, 5:51 AM	ColonPipe Hyper Buddha Gorgissum Haiku Knock on the >>Sky Ebbles Miniatures