Hotaru no Saiden

It seems when we talk of these things, I always learn there is room for improvement. This means Im not good enough as I am now. Im not perfect, nor do I intend to strive for perfection. I want to live and learn and deal with my flaws that will never be changed or fixed. I need to find someone less mature and less righteous. He needs to find someone far more reserved, poised, elegant, calm and intelligible. He doesn’t realize the pressure and stress he puts on me as we constantly fight through this. We never flow together its always a constant battle of two landslides meeting. I know I should just be happy and find a way to positively accept my position where I am. My job. My home. I should smile and accept it. But I’m tired of just being beaten to death. I want to stand up and do something. But every time he pushes me back down to the point I no longer want to try anymore and just think of how much easier it is to be beaten like this every day. I didn’t continue school so I could be here. I’m stuck now. Dry and empty. I just wish I could blink out of his mind. Out of existence. I don’t know what he feels. There is nothing deep or touching between us anymore. There is nothing left. There is no passion or excitement or encouragement. There is nothing new or wonderful or special. I’m old and regular and predictable. I will never make a good mother. Because I’ll never take on a job that gives me enough experience to deal with children. As if that is supposed to matter. There are too many differences between us. This is the loneliest I have felt in a long time. I’ve no one to help me through this time.

- Posted by Kitsu, 3:05 AM

.		.
archives	Monday, October 10, 2005 It seems when we talk of these things, I always learn there is room for improvement. This means Im not good enough as I am now. Im not perfect, nor do I intend to strive for perfection. I want to live and learn and deal with my flaws that will never be changed or fixed. I need to find someone less mature and less righteous. He needs to find someone far more reserved, poised, elegant, calm and intelligible. He doesn’t realize the pressure and stress he puts on me as we constantly fight through this. We never flow together its always a constant battle of two landslides meeting. I know I should just be happy and find a way to positively accept my position where I am. My job. My home. I should smile and accept it. But I’m tired of just being beaten to death. I want to stand up and do something. But every time he pushes me back down to the point I no longer want to try anymore and just think of how much easier it is to be beaten like this every day. I didn’t continue school so I could be here. I’m stuck now. Dry and empty. I just wish I could blink out of his mind. Out of existence. I don’t know what he feels. There is nothing deep or touching between us anymore. There is nothing left. There is no passion or excitement or encouragement. There is nothing new or wonderful or special. I’m old and regular and predictable. I will never make a good mother. Because I’ll never take on a job that gives me enough experience to deal with children. As if that is supposed to matter. There are too many differences between us. This is the loneliest I have felt in a long time. I’ve no one to help me through this time. - Posted by Kitsu, 3:05 AM	ColonPipe Hyper Buddha Gorgissum Haiku Knock on the >>Sky Ebbles Miniatures