Hotaru no Saiden

As my eyes adjust to the dark, I can see a light spread of cold pixilated ash. I sit down, There is something small on my mind. To say I never had a lasting friendship would be very much a lie. My first friend, I remember, was the day I lost a tooth. It was orientation for kindergarten, I ended up in the bathroom with a mouthful of salty blood. The starkness of red on white porcelain had me dazed, until a woman came in saying my name. This woman ended up being my soon to be first friend’s mother. My friend was short. Blonde. Missing her two front teeth (naturally). Blue eyes that often had the habit of turning green at any disruption. The girl was allergic to a lot of things: Chocolate. Yet she could drink nestle quik. Bee Stings. Stung the bottom of her foot the day she ran home to ask if she could eat a plum over at my house. Dust mites. This meant no stuffed animals. We nearly burned her house down once. I broke her sprinkler, and probably lost numerous pieces of doll clothing. I was there to comfort when her neighbor, the only grandparental figure she had in her life, passed away. When we got older, I saw less of her. She started smoking cigarettes secretly and I told on her. Stealing and hiding makeup beneath her mattress. Then almost too suddenly… She moved away. Started doing drugs and almost died. Since then it’s always been a curse for my friends to eventually turn into different people and distance themselves from me. It’s hard to say what the cause is. Me, or change, or time. Or maybe all three. It’s so very easy to blame myself for it and “move on” never really knowing. Hoping maybe I’d forget or forgive myself for something. Generally neither happens. I’m pretty naïve. Sometimes I give far too much or little credit when I know better. Its hard to sort people out from the “Speaking word for word” or “metaphorically speaking” categories. I’m confused and yet have many of the answers I’d rather not know. It’s so much more comforting hearing it from someone else first. I’m too angry and sad to bring it up. I have lost so many truly wonderful friends. People I will never meet again. People I may never talk to again. People who will never be the same. All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very, very Mad world Mad world

- Posted by Kitsu, 2:29 AM

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archives	Tuesday, November 08, 2005 As my eyes adjust to the dark, I can see a light spread of cold pixilated ash. I sit down, There is something small on my mind. To say I never had a lasting friendship would be very much a lie. My first friend, I remember, was the day I lost a tooth. It was orientation for kindergarten, I ended up in the bathroom with a mouthful of salty blood. The starkness of red on white porcelain had me dazed, until a woman came in saying my name. This woman ended up being my soon to be first friend’s mother. My friend was short. Blonde. Missing her two front teeth (naturally). Blue eyes that often had the habit of turning green at any disruption. The girl was allergic to a lot of things: Chocolate. Yet she could drink nestle quik. Bee Stings. Stung the bottom of her foot the day she ran home to ask if she could eat a plum over at my house. Dust mites. This meant no stuffed animals. We nearly burned her house down once. I broke her sprinkler, and probably lost numerous pieces of doll clothing. I was there to comfort when her neighbor, the only grandparental figure she had in her life, passed away. When we got older, I saw less of her. She started smoking cigarettes secretly and I told on her. Stealing and hiding makeup beneath her mattress. Then almost too suddenly… She moved away. Started doing drugs and almost died. Since then it’s always been a curse for my friends to eventually turn into different people and distance themselves from me. It’s hard to say what the cause is. Me, or change, or time. Or maybe all three. It’s so very easy to blame myself for it and “move on” never really knowing. Hoping maybe I’d forget or forgive myself for something. Generally neither happens. I’m pretty naïve. Sometimes I give far too much or little credit when I know better. Its hard to sort people out from the “Speaking word for word” or “metaphorically speaking” categories. I’m confused and yet have many of the answers I’d rather not know. It’s so much more comforting hearing it from someone else first. I’m too angry and sad to bring it up. I have lost so many truly wonderful friends. People I will never meet again. People I may never talk to again. People who will never be the same. All around me are familiar faces Worn out places Worn out faces I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very, very Mad world Mad world - Posted by Kitsu, 2:29 AM	ColonPipe Hyper Buddha Gorgissum Haiku Knock on the >>Sky Ebbles Miniatures